Saturday, September 24, 2005
duno why but im in a mood for blogging.. anw.. i just read ah hengs blog.. alot of sense there.. but i guess im guilty of it too.. of thinking tt my frens will think badly of me stimes.. but then again.. i dun think its tt much of not trusting them.. cuz is i choose to think badly of myself.. once again.. where is my confidence..
9:24 AM; unforgotten.
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hahaz i took the quiz on yanru's blog n its like super zun... how they noe i gt exam stress and stuff lidat?! anw.. my seq was in BBGRYGPB.. then end up they tell me this..At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. You are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.
You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.
At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.
Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.
You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.
http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/
9:15 AM; unforgotten.
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Friday, September 23, 2005
yes! gp is finally over! weE.. hahaz duno why i so happie for.. still gt 3 even tougher subjects which required more mugging than gp..but anw... i so screwed gp.. my essay i rite until halfway then i realise i abit off-track n nv link.. then i tried my utmost best to wanhui the essay.. but still looks off to me..my AQ.. happie new year liaos.. i write so long.. all crap.. tts not the worse.. i realise other than my first paragraph.. the rest i all forgot to put examples!! wad the.. dead liao la.. stpd stpd vanessa... go eat shit la! high in fibre and healthy too..oh ya tok abt this i think abt our modified-zacklim-shitinthetoiletbowl theory.. haish but this one say online not fun de.. if u wanna go come n ask me lar.. hahaz.. but anw... im super hungry!! jiumingahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. die le.. im becoming a superduper glutton.. i spend so much on snacks today.. duno izit exam stress or wad.. but i cant stop feeling hungry.. this is bad.. im so gna gain 5 kgs... =[
7:23 PM; unforgotten.
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
day aft tml is gp and i haven touched it at all!! i totally forgot how to do AQ le.. n my english is like so super lan.. i cant even blog in standard english. sigh.. there goes gp promos for me..anw.. its really odd. or rather funny. hilarious. ah wadever la. cuz.. promos is only 4 days.. yet i can drive ppl crazy for so many days or even mths. im so glad is gna be over soon.. tho i'll still be very worried abt whether i can get promoted anot..im seriously lacking slp.. n getting heaty.. think my sore throat is like coming back soon.. kinda hurts at the back of my throat..ahh i need the drive n motivation and concentration to mUG.. i find it hard to start.. n when i start.. i get distracted or tired easily.. how can lidat?!? wan dan le.. but die die also cannot retain.. if retain then really wan dan le.. ='[
8:31 PM; unforgotten.
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
just added another song into the lyrics section.. [behind these hazel eyes - kelly clarkson] my new personal favourite for now hahaz.. duno wad to say tho.. i duno if its relevant to wad i want to say. it sort of is but sort of isnt?hahaz.. seriously i duno if im ok yet.. or i just made myself ok for the sake of... hahazbut i think the song more relates of wad i felt before this la.. now.. i think shud be ok le.. hahaz i think lar.. oh ya.. anw today when i was in church i saw howie again hahaz.. tho i see him every week but duno today he reminded me of sth.. i liked him from pri6 till end of last yr.. n now i still treat him as some kinda eye candy hahaz.. was my first ever crush.. then i was q amazed.. cuz i can actually like someone for abt 5 years =] then i was thinking if i will do the same thing again hahaz..
5:48 PM; unforgotten.
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Saturday, September 17, 2005
someone else wrote this.. i think its kinda nice...Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think tat he doesn't miss u?Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling.U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him.Thinking if he ever cares about u...Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him.Looking out of the window hoping that he will surprise u by appearing downstairs.Sitting in front of the television but thinking of her missing the final episode of your favourite show.Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u went out together.Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.Logging on to the internet hoping to see him online.When u realise that he isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he is okay.Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.It exposes u to loneliness.It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him.But missing someone and not knowing if he is feeling the same is terrible.U feel as if u are being left alone.So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know.At the same time, ask if they miss u.Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know.if u miss him/her too, tell them. Don't let them wait....thx hara n lei~!
2:50 PM; unforgotten.
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Monday, September 12, 2005
why does this kp happening to me.. whyy.. i always put everything i have into my friendships and then.. whyy.. why izit so unfair.. that the closest is always lost.. it somehow hurts.. the thot of the lost makes it even more unbearable..today sneaked into band room for that few minutes.. even my tone failed me.. tonguing sucks too.. i felt even worse.. even music cant help me now..failed math test. expected.. but nevertheless disappointed..pissed ppl off.. got pissed off.. "so much for my happy ending..."
9:00 PM; unforgotten.
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Saturday, September 10, 2005
ahH i cut my hair! so short! oh mys.. hahaz.. but still ok lar if i wear my hair band.. but i think she layer one side more than the other! bleah.. this is wad happens when u those off while someone is cutting ur hair + have eye sight of degree 650 and counting..[without specs im totally blind.]anw.. google earth do fun!! i found njc, ny n tchs.. then i traced the route home and found found my home!! and church.. then later i found xr n samuel's hse too.. they live like one stretch of road away only la.. hahaz weE anyone else gt play with it? i wanna find other ppl's hse too!! so fun hahahahaha
6:09 PM; unforgotten.
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Sunday, September 04, 2005
felt really good after today's service, its been a long time since i felt this way.. think ive been losing focus all these time..the second reading today was from the second book of st paul to the romans i think and the gospel was from matthew.. the gist is abt forgiving and healing.. i remember parts of the sermon and one part being..the way of christ is not to reject and exclude those who have done wrong and sinned, but to accept and heal them, bringing back them back to God.. we musn't let a brother or sister in christ continue to do wrong, for not only will he pay for his sins, but we will also be held responsible for his/her sins for we had the choice to advice him and bring him back to the right path.. Forgiveness is the greatest gift of love which God had so freely gave us. n everytime we walk out of the church.. we are given the power to forgive..
duno why after listening to this part of the sermon, i felt as if God was clearly trying to tok to me.. through the priest.. i felt all the anger and unhappiness in me being drained away.. i fgt everytime i m troubled, God will always send a msger, to tell me the path to take.. n this time, i realised that it works both ways.. that i shud be more tolerant and forgiving towards others, and also humble enuf to seek forgiveness from others.. i had a great urge to apologise to tt person.. for all the ways i have hurt or offended him/her, even tho i noe for sure it will merely draw more criticisms of being a hypocrite.. but this is wad i really feel.. well.. here it is.. im sorry... but i really hope u can tell me wad i did wrong..
"when two or three are gathered in my name, i will be there with them." and "God will answer any prayers when two or three are gathered in my name" this reminded me.. that my prayers were sorta scathered. i duno how to describe.. i shud have been praying for things for everyone, and things everyone wud be praying for.. becuz it will be a common thing that all of us in this parish are praying for, and with christ's presence.. i bet everything will be alright.. i need to be more mindful of all the ppl arnd me..somehow i felt very touched.. and i wanted very much to bring more of my frens to church n i hope they become christians too.. so that they too may be touched by God.. but i noe ive always found it hard to open up.. and in order to convince ppl.. i myself have to break that barrier first.. n i will try..near the end of the service, we sang "Thank You Lord", the song had only reached the intro tune when i felt tears coming.. the emotions just came.. it seems to always happen when i hear this song..the words always seem so relevant..... my human nature, shouts the things to do, and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored..esp that line.. i always picture an image.. of a very sad father, hu tries so hard to bring a child to the right way, but the rebellious child just goes ranting away, blaming everyone else for everything, lamenting abt his/her life.. forgetting that there will always be a forgiving and ever-loving father.. waiting to catch us when we fall.. n i will just bring tears to my eyes.. there this other song.. footsteps.. i think it was originally a poem.. where the down trodden man asks God why during the worse periods of his life, he only saw one set of footprints, why din God walk thru it with him.. and God replied.. that becuz it was during those times, He carried us...ahh i ren bu zhu.. i very gandong.. n thankful..
4:38 PM; unforgotten.
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
due to "....."'s comment i did some reflection n i think i din do anything seriously wrong.. so i guess that person just hates me n my character ba.. but this is me wad.. i just like to be open abt my views.. i dun like being so wei suo.. gt things wana say dowana say.. then when will things ever clear up? even if gt arguments.. at least will clear up everything wad.. cuz then u will noe wad the person is thinking.. then if gt any wu hui also can clear..i admit stimes by the splurt of the tongue i say stpd insensitive stuff lar.. tt kind i say sry also wad.. but if not normally, tt person wud have done sth to provoke me first..anw.. thx to tt person.. i realise gt alot of ppl hu will stand by me in times of need n im truly thankful.. "a friend in need is a friend indeed".. hahaz thx all u ppl hu tokked to me ytd.. esp yiyou.. cuz i felt alot better when she said "i trust my taste of frens"=]but i think tt person very ben lor.. this is my blog leh.. if there's anybody hu shd -wadever- off.. shd be u rite? this is nt ur di pan leh.. anw.. if u meant _ off from nj.. then im so sry.. i'm gna be here for another yr and 4 mths or more if i retain.. if u meant from the world.. then im truly sry.. i think im gna be here for q some time.. so if u really cant stand my existence.. u gt two choice.. u can either kill me.. or u can pretend i dun exist.. anw im honoured that i act have an impact in ur life..this is to all of u hu hate me lar.. basically if u really gt anything unhappy just blast it into my face lar.. confront me or wadever.. dun need to gao this kinda xiao dong zuo... like tt time kw lidat.. at least he not happy he come n say.. which is so much more you gu qi.. u dun tell me how i noe wad u thinking? then i'll just continue pissing u off only.. yar lor.. jiu shi zhe yang..
11:01 AM; unforgotten.
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